Congratulations! I’m an uncle!
Yesterday, my sister just gave birth to a beautiful little girl: 7 pounds and 6 ounces. She did the whole thing 100% naturally, as this is the family tradition. My great-grandfather was a renowned homeopathic doctor, so she was able to capitalize on generations of folk wisdom. That means ipecac for morning sickness, gelsemium for stress, cimicifuga for labor induction and now arnica for her broken vagina. It was a trying ordeal, but we are all glad that she was willing to suffer to protect her child from the evil pharmaceutical companies.
As we all know, every doctor receives substantial kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies to make sure that the cycle of disease and expensive prescription treatments is perpetuated indefinitely. Some doctors say they are called to the vocation of healing people, but if that’s true, why are the lists of side effects on the drug commercials so scary. Hippocrates first rule of practicing medicine was “Do no harm.” Many people don’t know that medicine doesn’t have to involve life-threatening side effects and annoying cost-benefit analyses—there are thousands of natural alternatives. The state of the pharmaceutical industry is so abysmal that you can invent your own treatment, and it will be safer than their least dangerous products. In fact, you might even be able to mass produce the treatment and sell it to people like yourself who are too vigilant and intelligent to fall victim to the diabolical schemes of rich Nazis. But be sure to market your cure around a fear of modern medicine. It’s a scary world out there, and people need to be reminded of this. Otherwise, all their money will go to the evil corporations that grow more powerful every day. You are entitled to some of this money. Plus, the success of your company will stimulate the economy, creating more jobs and ensuring that more people can afford health care.
Obviously, my niece did not receive a single vaccination. As we know, the vaccine industry that exists today was built on the work of mad scientists who experimented on innocent Jews in prison camp labs. After the war, these cold-blooded killers went to work for U.S. corporations to help create the self-sustaining industry of disease-causing cures, facilitated by corrupt CDC researchers and a willfully blind FDA. Vaccines are one of the pillars of this industry. They contain toxic substances like GMOs, hormones from infected pigs, crossbred bacteria, formaldehyde, autism, aluminum, snake venom, bleach, and plutonium, for the purpose of making sure that we stay sick and dependent of their medicine. Of course, the medicine works; if it didn’t, their system wouldn’t work. It’s clear that inoculation have saved mankind from extinction countless times and extended our life spans and quality of life. But at what cost? Well, at exactly the cost of Autism.
Autism is a brain disorder caused by the ‘autism serum’ found in most vaccines. It is a debilitating disease that impedes a child’s social and cognitive development, essentially reducing them to vegetables endlessly banging their heads against the floor and poking at their own eyes. Since the condition cannot be detected in utero, a family has no option other than dedicating multiple lives to caring for the poor child. The suffering they endure is unimaginable, but the sacrifice is even greater: they sacrifice their dreams and their collective mental health so that entire populations can be immune to deadly diseases.
As I celebrate the grand occasion of my niece entering the world without being greeted by a battery of poisonous, brain-damaging injections, I would like to thank the lost generations of autistic children (and their families) who made this possible. If they had not played their part in eradicating these diseases, my sister could never have opted-out of equipping her daughter with immunity. I am deeply grateful for their service to our country and the world. Today I saw a child repetitively stacking his toys and I thanked his parents for forfeiting a normal life so that the mothers who love their kids the most can put their affections before public safety and the safety of the child. I would like to propose a National Autism Veterans Day, to honor those who fought in the war on disease and to remember the many who gave their lives to protect the few. Thank you and God bless.
nateworthy 