Studies Show Manscaping Leads to Erectile Dysfunction

Posted on by Paul

manscaping A recent survey by AskMen revealed that 45 percent of men trim or shave their pubic hair. According to WebMD, 45 percent of men have suffered from impotence. Coincidence? I don’t think so. One leading theory explaining this connection is known as the “Truman Effect”. This theory postulates that once a man has seen what is behind his wall of hair, he can never again be satisfied with his partially obscured manhood. Nothing less than maximization will ever give him that rush of masculine pride.

This doesn’t seem terribly problematic, but if a man doesn’t have insight into this phenomenon, he may not always make grooming a priority. When stubble begins to form, he’ll start to notice a feeling of disappointment as he inspects himself in the mirror. After a couple weeks, what was once clearly defined base is now a shadowy area of ambiguous flesh, and he finds himself disgusted with his reflection. Unfamiliar with feelings of insecurity, he struggles to process his new body image. He doesn’t understand that he can never meet the expectations cemented by the lingering vision of his freshly-shaven cock and balls. The resulting depression, of course, leads to further lack of hygiene and grooming, exacerbating his negative perceptions. At this point, no amount of flattering lighting, repositioning or forced perspective photography can improve his self-esteem.

Desperate to break out of the negativity spiral, he musters up the courage to charm a female into his apartment, but the image of his timid and disheveled penis keeps popping into his head, preventing any semblance of an erection. When he escapes to the bathroom for a self-fluffing session, he dares to peek, just for a moment, at what he has accomplished. As the blood drains from what he now doubts is even a penis, he becomes less and less confident in his ability to satisfy a woman. This devastating feedback loop is what creates the cycle of limpness that finally breaks him, and soft and ashamed, he sends her away. In the climate of profound self-loathing that follows, his thoughts quickly warp into a full-blown dysmorphia—an obsession that only cosmetic surgery can remedy. Interestingly, according to Wikipedia, 45 percent of men who undergo penis enlargement surgery are unhappy with the results. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

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My name is Nate Fletcher and I am what psychologists refer to as a “normal genius”—I possess an average IQ, but I see the world in such a radical and insightful way that people just feel more comfortable calling me a genius. I credit my insightful approach to life to my habit of making video journals; something I started doing at the request of my psychiatrist nearly ten years ago. I became obsessed with recording my thoughts, so while my peers were out partying and fucking and flunking exams, I was reflecting on life’s great mysteries. Now all of this reflection is culminating in a renaissance of personal growth and an explosion of brilliant notions. Against all odds, a thousand conditions in my life have coalesced to create the perfect environment for the generation of earth-shaking ideas in abundance—a phenomenon so rare we are lucky if it happens once in a generation (the only two modern examples that come to mind are Einstein’s Miracle Year and 1999-2002 era Marshal Mathers). One day, on a whim, I decided to start a blog to document this renaissance and to share my observations about life. I will be writing about anything that strikes my interest, as well as posting video journals which I will record as inspiration dictates. I use sensationalized and eye-catching headlines in order to generate viewership, but also to mock the atmosphere of desperation and shallowness that pervades the internet in this age of click-bait and digital fluff. You may notice my tone is often dreary when it comes to worldly affairs. It’s important that you understand I am really an optimist--emotionally I believe in the forces of self-acceptance and tolerance. Intellectually, however, I know that extending love and tolerance to everyone would not only destroy the concepts but also endanger lives (e.g. you tell a serial killer to accept himself and he does, then he kills more people). Some of my ideas may be shocking, others may be outright evil, but I will not make apologies or rationalizations. I will not tell you that the dialog comes from a good place. This is something that you will have to decide for yourself.